No Worries.

hope. ‘tis a beautiful blessing.

Sometimes I desperately and sadly think that hope is a deceitful thing; something that makes us yearn for something else that we are tempted to believe could happen, while we ourselves try to deny its possibility of coming true. But I am starting to be liberated from this oppressive lie that is fed to my vulnerable heart. I am starting to understand that the object of hope, and yearning for things that are noble and good and pure, is not bad. This thing called hope is not based on empty wishes or hollow dreams. I believe it is a partial fulfillment of the Holy Spirit, nudging us believers to experience a tidbit of what is to come very soon- the time when we enter the pure and holy presence of Jesus in heaven.

Hope doesn’t lead to despair, because hope is yearning for something that is beyond this world. And this Something that we hope for beyond this world is true; Jesus alive and forever reigns. So hope. Hope is good. We aren’t made for this world. We were made to partake in and live a life of indescribable joy in God’s everlasting kingdom! Boo to the ya. So today, I am really thankful for hope. ‘Tis a beautiful blessing. 

But we must always remember that hope is from the Lord and from Him alone. Only God can fulfill the yearnings of our spirit! The justification of our hope is Jesus’ wonderful and true promise that He is coming back. That we will not be in this fallen world for long, as long as we submit to the cross. Soon we will be restored and renewed for an eternity of pure joy and worship of our God who is too good for words to explain.

“For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” -Romans 8:24-25

I also believe hope is essential to understand our place here on earth- a reminder that we cannot, and never will be, fulfilled by this world. Only our Creator can complete and heal our broken hearts. The constant yearning believers (and non-believers, especially) experience for goodness and blessings exemplifies this fact. We continue to hope because we want to be fulfilled by Something or Someone beyond our understanding. Whether we know it or not, what we are ultimately hoping for is the Lord, and our true home with Him. Hope is good. And God is great. So hope in Him, and let the encouragement of the Spirit be our fuel to live for the Lord, sold-out to His will. Kowabunga, y’all!

“Our ‘inconsolable secret,’ says C.S. Lewis, is that we are full of yearnings, sometimes shy and sometimes passionate, that point us beyond the things of earth to the ultimate reality of God… To hope for your future is to affirm the life God gave you and the tangle of possibilities that it generates. Keep hope alive.” - Cornelius Plantinga Jr. 

his sweet embrace is my comfort

Wow, it’s been ages since my last post. It is crazy to think how much has changed since I last blogged. Well, as I was writing a paper for class, I felt the spontaneous urge to share something. And don’t judge me for taking some time from studying. I’ve been in this library for six hours, and I don’t intend to leave until they kick me out. Oh, midterms. 

Anyway, I have been writing my paper that is required for Wheaton Passage, a program I was blessed with to experience as a transition week to college. I went to a camp in Wisconsin for six days and spent it all with seven other amazing incoming freshman girls, spending practically every waking moment with them. I loved it. 

One of the days, we all hiked to a remote area in the wilderness and were given five or six hours to spend alone with the Lord (fasting through lunch as well- that was a trying time for me, as you can imagine). I journaled a good amount during that time, and as I was going through my notebook to refresh my memory of that week to write about for my paper, I came across a snippet of thought that I catalogued that glorious day:

“I am alone. Sitting at the base of a tree, looking over the expanse of the pond covered with lily pads and various grasses. I am warm despite the awakening chill in the air. The wind caresses my skin and hair as I still my anxious body, soul and mind. Contentment replaces the anxiety. The subtle breeze is consoling just as the embrace of my Father above. I know He is with me now. I know He always will be. I do not always see Him, feel Him, hear Him… and even when I do, I am sad to say that I do not always acknowledge Him. But here, now, in this very present moment, the Lord is my only concern, my only desire. And this is the way He intended it. The riches of His love will always be enough- more than enough. It is infinite.”

This peace of the Holy Spirit, this intimacy with my Dad… it is so… so… indescribable! As I am typing these words and trying to convey the pure joy I feel right now I cannot help my giddiness and smiles. A little birdie told me once that I am the King’s daughter, and that fact will never be taken away. Even in the craziness and stress of college classes and the anxious uncertainty of social life, my God never abandons me. His promise of never leaving me has been so evident the past two months of my life. Though I falter and fall away from Him, He never ceases to release me from His loving, warm embrace. 

I am blessed. As I get deeper into my classes, into my relationships with people here, and as I learn more about the wonders of the Lord every day, God has stayed true. Every day, in some form or another, I am comforted by His whisper of purpose that is heard through various blessings; whether it be a rich conversation with a girl on my floor in the dorm, an affirming encouragement from a professor, or just a fun night with friends, God keeps reminding me of why I am at Wheaton College. I don’t know any specifics, but I know that He put me here for the purpose of His greater, eternal kingdom. Heck ya. I hope this fact is encouraging to every one of y’all. We are all living different lives because we all have a different purpose for Christ. Isn’t that cool? 

I’m pumped. Life rocks. God dominates. (literally.) 

“This life contains a whole lot of ambiguity, followed by a whole lot of certainty.” -Bob Goff (what a guy)

Abraham. he knew what was up.

I’ve been encouraged by Abraham today. In Genesis, Abraham continually has faith in God despite his lack of a son at 100 years old. Genesis 15:6 states, “Abraham believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” Through his belief in God’s promise, Abraham was made right with the Lord. That is the power of faith.

Today, reading Romans 4, Paul explains this to me- applying Abraham’s faith to the present, to us non-biblical folk. God promised Abraham would be the “father of many nations”… but at that point, his body was “as good as dead,” and he had no children because of his barren wife Sarah (verse 19). Now this is faith: “Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised” (Romans 4:20-21). Yowza. If that isn’t blind faith, I don’t know what is. 

And because he believed in God’s promise of him being a father, God gave Abraham a son- Isaac. He was blessed.

This story of Abraham’s determinate faith encourages me so much, especially at this time in my life. Right when I committed to going to Wheaton for college, I was pumped. Ecstatic. Couldn’t wait to go. For months I daydreamed about my classes, the new friends I’d make, the things I would learn… but now, as the time is nearly approaching that I fly to Chicago, I realize something: I’m scared. Terrified. I mean… I’m going to where hell freezes over in the winter. 

But the Lord is my rock. I know it is His plan I be at Wheaton in four weeks. So encouraged by Abraham’s faith and assurance in the Lord, I know I can do this. I can do college. Because:

“The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

BOOM! What else do I need for these next life-changing years beside the Lord to depend on? Nothing! Because He is. He always has, is, and always will be. 

“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.

Joy.

Change. Rough, but so Good.

For anyone who comes across this post and reads it, I would just like to say that these posts are just a stream of my thoughts and struggles. I like to write them out because they give me encouragement for times ahead. I hope some part of it may give joy to at least one person who may read it. Thank you for reading!

As graduation is promptly approaching, I can’t help but dread the end of the summer when I must say goodbye to my comfortable life here at home, and venture out to the wonderful land of Wheaton. My incredible friends who love me in spite of all my faults, my parents who constantly serve and love me as Jesus did, my amazing church which strengthened me in my relationship with the Lord the past eighteen years… All these things I will greatly miss. God has blessed me in ways that I still cannot fathom. But while these things are so good, He has even greater things to come.

I love adventure, meeting new people, and venturing out to places unknown to me. It’s not the new blessings that I have trouble coping with, it is the act of leaving behind the old blessings that is such a struggle for me. Though I will still see my high school friends every once in a while, come home to my family on breaks, and visit my childhood church, God has new friends and places of fellowship for me up in Wheaton. As I get closer and closer to college, I keep having to cope with the fact that leaving behind the old is inevitable… But the Lord always gives me hope in this, because He has filled in me a joy that can only come from Him. This joy is a joy that transcends the comfort of staying with the old. I am joyful because I am going to grow. A lot. And growth/ progression cannot happen without change. Bittersweet at the moment, but change (in the eternal perspective) is so rich.

Everyday we are a new creation in Christ. As we grow in Him daily, we are constantly changing. So this next step of my life, moving the a place where basically hell freezes over… It’s good, and God has had this part of my life planned since the beginning of the universe. 

Romans 12:2 is a great source of encouragement for me in this time of so much change. While I have moments of sorrow for leaving my loved ones behind, God is changing my heart in the process. 

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

The Lord is changing us and refining us to fit more into His image. Change is necessary. Day after day He is shaping us and we are being strengthened for the goal of eternity with Him! Just typing these words right now is getting me so hyped for the days to come. I am going to be praising Jesus and living forever an eternity filled with inexplicable joy! So let’s get a move on and work towards the expansion of God’s kingdom, because all change that happens in our life is for God’s kingdom. 

And even when change seems bad at the moment, we have to remember that the Lord has His way with our lives. He is the God of the universe, and He does all things for His good purpose. So we must have faith that the bittersweet changes in life are all aimed for the glory of God and his kingdom. I am super pumped for college. Can’t wait to meet people who I will know for all eternity. Boo to the Yah.

“Someday, every knee’s going to bow. Knowing how things end up in His plan helps me figure out where to begin with mine.” -Bob Goff

Thank You, Lord

A slit of ray of sunlight upon your pillow in the dawn.

A still quiet morning moment assuring you that nothing can go wrong.

A pleasant youthful memory of a favorite game played.

The quiet security experienced when at a silent moment you prayed.

Thank You, Lord.

The joy and happiness you experience when among close family members and friends.

The lone tear across you cheek over gratitude that the closeness will never end.

The simple awe and wonder of beholding a tender flower in the sun.

The engulfing peace you feel when the sun sets - the day is done.

Thank You, Lord.

- Jim Eliot

Bad Habit. Real Bad.

Yowza. I’ve got stuff to work on.

Lately the Lord has blessed me in that He has revealed to me the struggles and sins in my life that I myself had not been aware. Refinement into the Lord’s image is a blessing in itself; this I have lately realized as well. 

To cut to the chase and to not waste space by talking about my past (which is good to learn from, but not to dwell on), I just gotta say something that plagues my heart and just gets in the way. And that thing is selfishness.

“… What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” James 4:14

We are only here for a little while. We are a mist that is non-lasting (on the Earth, at least). We only have so little time to make a mark on the Earth. Almost always I will forget this vital truth. But that doesn’t mean that it is any less true.

The more I spend time with the Lord, the more I see the selfishness in my heart. And the further I see it, the more I want to do away with it. And to do that, I must set my eyes on things eternal. On things unseen. On the Lord. So many times I reflect on myself and on circumstances and situations in which I myself may be “glorified”. But that’s just mumbo-jumbo nonsense. What in me is truly worthy of being glorified?! 

Nada. It’s the Lord’s light that I want others to see in me, not any worldly accomplishments or ambitions. God alone is worthy of praise. He is the Rock on which I should stand. Yet, lately I’ve been standing on my own rock, visiting God every now and then.

Buuuuttt that didn’t work out so well. Because I am an unstable, fallen girl, I need my Dad to depend on. If I depend on myself and live for success and happiness, it gets me nothing but failure. 

Even Jesus himself lived selflessly on the earth. What does that say? Well it makes me feel very, very small. Because Jesus is absolute perfection. And he died as a sacrifice. For me, for you, for all God’s children. He gave himself away so that we may have life. So when I compare his life to mine… our lives are actually incomparable. He is perfect. Yet He humbled himself and loved others selflessly. And here I am, really far from perfect, living to please myself and to make myself comfortable. Yikes. There’s something wrong with that picture. It’s a habit I am striving to rise above. But I need the Lord to do that.

So, to get to the point, selfishness gets us nowhere. God is all that lasts. So when I selfishly buy myself things, try to get ahead, set selfish ambitions for myself, etc… what does that actually do for me in the long run? Nothing. Things of the world vanish. Like a mist. So I must set my eyes on the Lord. Work and speak and love for His glory, because there is nothing in me that needs to be glorified. God’s got it figured out. And I don’t.

So I choose to live for Jesus. I will have times of failure and times of success. But in the bigger picture, it is all for Him. God is bigger than anything in the world. Our lives are a mist compared to the immense greatness that is the great I AM. He. Is. Worthy. Not us. 

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 

but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

- Phil. 2:5-11

There is sin. But then there’s GOD.

This past weekend I had the immense blessing of participating in the Disciple-Now weekend at my church, Park Cities Baptist. Fellowship with a body of believers who are all seeking Jesus- that is my kind of weekend. 

The Holy Spirit revealed a lot of things to me this weekend. But the one thing that really hit home was something that is the hardest to deal with- for me, at least. 

After D-Now, going back into the normality of life and to the wayward world is super tough. Going from Christ-centered unity and fellowship into daily life and daily worries is a hard transition. A culture shock, really. 

Though this weekend was amazing and a time of huge growth, we have to remember that growth in the Lord is also a way of equipping ourselves for trials ahead. We aren’t called to live a life of comfort, putting God in his place. He is the one that puts us in our place. I have recently been in situations where sin was so evident that it physically wearied my body. But I know that God put me in those situations for a reason. The world hurts. The world fills voids with things ephemeral, not eternal. And we, as disciples of Christ and His followers, are to put ourselves out of our comfort zone. The world around us hurts, and we are called to heal them by sharing God’s love.

I have failed in doing so. This weekend really made me realize how little an effort I make to let my peers understand the saving grace of Christ. But tomorrow is a new day, and Jesus renews my heart daily and strengthens me more every time I meet with Him. So my prayer for both myself and others is that we learn to meet Jesus in every moment, never afraid or ashamed of faith. Also, it is important to remember that Satan has a hold on the world- but he can never defeat God. There is nowhere else that I want to be but in the arms of Jesus. No one and no thing can fill my soul as He does.

Sin is so thick, and it is everywhere. It is not our purpose to hide from it, but to be a source of light to others to whom it consumes. I have so much hope in the Holy Spirit and how He moves in us and around us. I can’t save anyone. That is God’s job. But it’s our life’s purpose as His followers and as a Church to live out the commission that is to “make disciples of all nations” (Acts 1:8).

I love people. I love God. So let’s do this thing and meet Jesus in every moment while loving those who are hurting around us, and rejoicing in the moments of transformation. 

“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. 

‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.’” John 6:66-69

Aslan. Raw sovereignty.

Yesterday I had the privilege (yet stressful task) of personalizing my square on the senior wall. While most people post their high school activities, sports, and involvements on theirs, I went in a different direction. One reason is because I’m not as involved in high school social life as one may think… But anyway. I went ahead and traced the face of majestic Aslan from the Chronicles of Narnia. Before I continue, let me tell you one thing: carbon paper saves lives for those who are artistically challenged.

So, one reason I went with Aslan is because- I mean- it’s Aslan. The friggin’ awesome lion. Secondly, C.S. Lewis is my favorite author. His words of enlightenment amaze me. But more so, I drew his face on my senior square because of what he is depicted as in C.S. Lewis’ series: God of the universe. 

A few weeks back, when we had to turn in a rough sketch of what we were going to paint on our square, I pondered why I would want to put Aslan’s face in the midst of bright colors and other seniors’ inside jokes. And the biggest reason that the Spirit pulled in me was that is was a reminder. A reminder of the Lord who lives in me. A reminder that God is sovereign, and that He is with me always. God has a grip on my life, and I take complete comfort in that. Being fulfilled by Christ and his sacrifice motivates me and pushes me to get up every morning, to live for His glory, and His purpose. 

So though a lot of high schoolers are going to pass by my senior square without notice, the Lord may rile up the hearts of a few wayward children, such as myself from time to time. A glance upon Aslan’s face may not change someone’s views towards the Lord, but to see the lion’s majestic sovereignty just displays the awesome power that Someone holds above. A symbol of the fact that we aren’t the lords of our lives, Jesus Christ is. 

I don’t think my senior square is going to change people’s lives forever. Actually I know so. That job is for the Holy Spirit. But painting Aslan on my senior wall reminded me of the bigger picture. That I am saved by grace. The Lord is good. And I need to spread the word of his grace. I have completely fallen short of the simple task that God has called us as His children: to spread the love of Christ. There are so many times I give up opportunities of sharing the knowledge I have of the greatness of God. But I pray to God that, like painting Aslan on the senior wall, the Lord will continue to urge me to expand His kingdom.

Even in high school, faith makes a difference. I have failed in my capability to let others know the encompassing love of Christ, and to continue to grow. But I will continually pray for that courage which I lack. In Philippians 3, Paul encourages us to seek the Lord, because He is the only thing that lasts. He is all that is good with the world.

“I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (verse 14)

“Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the the Lord, dear friends!” Phil 4:1